


Letting go

by bellarosa



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, EGBA, Future, Healing, Health, Healthy Relationships, Holding Hands, Hospitals, Laughter, Los Angeles, Love, M/M, Sickfic, stronger together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarosa/pseuds/bellarosa
Summary: A recap of their relationship since April 2017.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 15
Kudos: 54





	Letting go

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy babies!! Here's another Charmie oneshot. This one is a bit different and it might be tough for some to handle. I captured what i think happened when Timmy was filming "Beautiful boy" and ended up getting awfully sick. From that moment on, i filled the time line with other oneshots I've posted before (Losing control, Melting etc). I will update "Words to live by" (for those who are reading the fanfic) soon, i guess i got tired of writing smut all the time hehe.  
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter, it's a tough one, hope you'll like it and as always, let me know your thoughts in the comments!❤️
> 
> If you want me to write more oneshots, just let me know in the comments or on my tumblr blog. Happy Saturday! ✨

Armie was one of those guys who would always, no matter what, answer an unknown number. He simply never understood people who would see a random number, that was not in their contacts, and don't answer. You never know, Armie would say to whomever was teasing him about answering an unknown number, maybe it’s something important, maybe it’s someone whose phone died trying to reach you.

So when Armie swiped the circle to green and answered it, he couldn’t have prepared himself for the phone call he was about to have. He said hello, there was a muffled noise behind the caller. When a person experiences dread and fear, their brain tend to suppress that traumatic moment for good, and it feels like that never even happened and you can’t remember anymore. When someone asks you about that moment, you say “I don’t know, I don’t remember how it happened”. Fear overtakes your body. That’s exactly what happened to Armie when someone called him from an unknown number. 

To be frank, Armie had thought it was probably Timmy. It happened before, only few days earlier. They had finished shooting and his phone died because they were Face Timing for almost an hour on set, so his battery died and he didn’t bring the charger. He asked Steve to make a quick phone call and so he did. He called Armie to tell him why he’s not answering and to ask him if he could pick him up. Armie saved Steve’s number in his contacts, in case this scenario happens. And it did. The very next day. So when Steve’s name popped up on his screen, he knew it was Timmy. His phone died again. Of course.

And now, as he was listening to this lady’s voice who said her name was Lauren, after letting him know what her official title is – a nurse, Armie’s memory of that phone call started to fade away. He managed to remember her name, she asked if this is his name to which Armie barely managed to confirm, but as time went on and as Armie was losing his sense of time and place, feeling his own blood jumping inside his ears, he forgot about everything. The nurse Lauren mentioned few other things : “You are his emergency contact”, “EMTs brought him here”, “Fever”, “Very high fever”, and one word that basically ended him – “pneumonia”. 

Armie hung up and in sheer disbelief, he started panicking, spinning around in his kitchen. The water he put on for his boiled eggs was boiling. The toaster popped two pieces of bread out, he could hear Archie’s paws taping on the floor next to him. His own breathing was annoying him in his own ear.

The phone rang again. It’s the same number. He answered it immediately now. The nurse told him to calm down, that it isn’t anything serious. They were shooting this morning and Timothee showed up exhausted and feverish, then he threw up and eventually fainted from dehydration. There was a doctor on the set, he listened to his lungs but said It was way too dangerous to keep him there for another minute, he had to have been driven to the nearest hospital, she said the name of the place. They called the ambulance and put him on a stretcher, in the back of a van and drove him to the hospital. Now, Armie was paying much more attention to this.

“He’s in the emergency room, but will soon be transferred to pulmonology department. He’s awake now. He’s on very strong antibiotics, his fever is still not going down. You should come here, there’s only your name and your number here.” She said. It helped that her voice was soothing. She sounded young and it is in her files that nurses heal, first of all, with empathy.

“I’m on my way.” Armie said as he was removing boiled eggs and burnt toast off of his way. It was only 11 in the morning.

“Are you his family?”

Armie stopped. He’s not his family. He knew about the policy.

“Um, no, does that matter?” Now he’s scared she won’t let him come. He was ready to beg because he didn't have anyone else here in Los Angeles. 

“No, no. Come here and ask for me, I will take you to him. He’s awake and scared.”

He’s awake and scared.

Armie hung up.

_ My poor baby, he’s awake and scared. _

He wishes he had been there as they were putting him on a stretcher and riding with him, holding his hand. 

Armie couldn’t stop repeating in his head – awake and scared. Awake and scared. He’s awake and scared. He’s scared. Timmy’s scared. Oh my God!

He doesn’t remember when he got there or what speed he used, all he could think about was rushing to the hospital and getting to Timmy.

Luckily, the parking was not at all full which was weird, that crossed Armie's mind, but he took it anyway. The closet spot to the entry. 

As he was running down the hallway, he remembered why this happened. The day before he was shooting a very intense scene, under a water machine, in a thin, white, see-through shirt, many, many, many times. Plus, he has lost a lot of weight for this role, he had to endorse a very strict diet, he’s been shooting for hours every day. This is just too much for his immune system. There were multiple doctor's visits on the set, but never like this. And each time, Armie would feel like he's having a heart attack after Timmy would blankly say "Oh, i vomited today, they had to hook me up to an i.v because i lost a lot of fluid", or "I was so dizzy today, we had to delay the scenes for tomorrow", or even "My blood sugar was way too low, the doctor was surprised how was i even standing up". 

When he walked into Armie’s house, after filming the scene, all shaking and feeling like every bone in his body is hurting, he told him what they did and how many times they had to film that scene. He was coughing, Armie made him some tea. They ordered take out, Timmy only took a few bites of his burger and only few frier. Yes, he was breaking his diet, only because Armie made him eat. Armie totally spaced out and forgot to tell the nurse that they already took his temperature the night before when he was complaining of his eyes burning, but he didn’t have it. Timmy went to bed around 11 pm and Armie joined him soon afterwards. Of course, because it was still so early in their relationship, if that’s what that was, they did share a bed in Armie’s house, but with two different blankets. They never went further from making out and touching over clothes. Timmy didn’t want to, especially in a house where Armie’s wife and kids, who are now away visiting her family, live and had been living for years now. 

Of course, Timmy had wanted Armie since the first time they met, or even maybe when they rehearsed Elio and Oliver’s first kiss. And he was being very subtle about it, letting him close, but not close enough, hence the standing on Armie’s feet when the ground was, according to Timmy, hot, but according to Armie, Luca, Michael, Amira and the entire “Call me by your name” cast and crew, the ground was not hot at all, it was normal, it wasn't hot at all. 

Timmy agreed on casual, but they both knew where they were heading…casual doesn’t exist. Timmy was already in love with Armie, but Armie has been battling these feelings for over 10 years of his life. It did not help that Timmy was running around half naked and, sometimes, naked on the set, getting physically close to him, rubbing against him, standing on his feet. At only 20 years old, Timmy set his mark on Armie and didn’t budge for a second, and Armie’s guard was slowly melting down. He too could have been more of a man if he were to just stop pretending and chasing women online, and admit who he really is and who he could possibly love, for real. 

But he was Armie’s guest, inside his house, the one that he bought. He was Armie’s friend, or something more. What they had was still so small, yet so pure. They loved each other’s company. Armie’s been suspicious on this for a while now in his wife’s eyes, and they would’ve gotten divorced a long ass time ago if it wasn’t for Ford. But even with a baby in this family, their marriage was still crumbling. Armie is still trying to find his way. Work helped. And having Timmy in his own house was a blessing. He knew that, with time, they will figure this out together. 

But the panic he experienced with that call and the speed he took to get there…this was all so clear to Armie that Timmy is now more than just a friend, and he hoped he’ll stay like that, for a long time. But all in good time. 

It’s been a two weeks since Timmy has been staying with Armie. And only three weeks before that, Armie and Elizabeth started sleeping in separate bedrooms. It started as a fight over kids, and Armie couldn’t take it so he went to the guest room, the one Timmy’s staying in, and day after day after day, the fights just kept coming and for both of their sakes, Armie permanently moved in to a completely different guest room.

Now since it was just the two of them in the house, Armie’s been sleeping in the same bed as Timmy. While Elizabeth and the kids were in the house, they slept each in their own rooms. They both had a feeling Elizabeth knew but didn’t care, or she did but never showed it. Or Armie was just rebelling and going after what felt right. Her Instagram was showing something completely different than what was happening behind the scenes. Her biggest concerns were actresses Armie played with in movies, but when it came to Timmy, she had no concerns. But she'd be dead wrong soon enough. Not even Elizabeth was blind enough to see that there’s something more between Armie and Timmy. She might have an insight or a hint, but no one ever admitted anything, because there was nothing to admit. 

Before Timy came to stay with them, Armie felt like things will go back to normal as soon as he leaves. Yes, what a dumb thought. He couldn’t help himself. He’s now rather confused, yet he loves spending time with Timmy. They’ve kissed before, they saw each other naked, and even acted on camera like they were having sex, naked. But in reality, things were going differently. The word of the day was casual. And that’s what both of them were going for, but neither of them were strong enough to admit to each other even though they both knew how the other was feeling.

Once Armie reached the ER, he walked in and on the right, there was a big round and white counter. Probably nurses’ station. There were people all over the place, something bad happened, doctors and nurses were running around. It’s an emergency room, what did he expect?

“Hi, I’m looking for nurse Lauren.” Armie bent over the counter, the noise in the back was loud. He couldn’t understand how these women do it. They’re true warriors. 

She looked up and turned on her chair. 

“Lauren!” This nurse screamed and another young, blonde girl showed up. Armie was right, she was young, he wouldn’t give her more than 25 years. 

Lauren showed up with a smile on her exhausted face. 

“Hi.”

“Hi, I’m Armie, we talked earlier about Timo-…”

She interrupted him. 

“Yes, of course. Want me to take you to see him?”

Armie breathed out. 

“Please…”

They’re now walking down the hall and the noise is fading away, Armie’s still shaken up about the sight he’s about to get. He can’t even put himself to imagine what Timmy looks like. 

“He was asleep a minute ago when I went and checked on him, I wanted to let him know you’re coming but he fell asleep quickly.” Lauren said, and Armie agreed with that. He does fall asleep pretty quickly, he’s been exhausted lately. “I will call a doctor and she will tell you everything you need to know.”

They stopped in front of the room 516.

“Can’t you tell me?” Armie asked, hoping she could give him all the information she could and they’d just be done with it. 

“I’m sorry, mister Hammer, but that’s not my place to do. I can, however, tell you his current state because he is my patient.” She said, kinda regretting. She definitely wanted to tell him everything, but her work ethics came first. 

Nurse Lauren opened the door and she walked in first. 

The room was bright, there was only one bed on the right side of the room. Timmy was laying in it, covered up to his chest. He was wearing one of those hospital gowns. His face looked swollen, eyebrows clutching, mouth opened. His hair was all over the pillow. There were tubes and needles sticking out of his arms and hands. The machine was beeping next to him, rating his heart beat. 

Armie’s face softened when he saw him, he was ready to cry. All those needles! He’s in pain, Armie thought. 

She stood by his side and was already doing her job. She checked his i.v. and measured his temperature. 

Then they both started whispering. 

“As you can see, his heart rate is normal, breathing is normal, saturation is fine. His blood pressure is a bit lower, but that’s because he’s very skinny and...”

Armie interrupted her. 

“He, um…he lost a lot of weight in just a few weeks for this movie role. There was a diet he had to…”

“I understand.”

Armie never removed his eyes off of him, and she saw that but said nothing. She continued doing her job. 

“Fever is high. The doctor on the set couldn’t hear anything but crumbling in his lungs, so he told them he’ll need an x-ray to confirm his fears, and he did. Both lungs are infected with bacteria.”

Armie breathed out, furiously. He wanted to kill Felix. If he had only known what he’s been putting him through! This movie better be the greatest movie in the world. No one deserves to get this much damage to their health for a fucking movie! 

“He’s on very strong antibiotics.” She assured him. That meant nothing to him. He wanted him up and awake and healthy at this very moment. 

But strong antibiotics are good. He’s gonna be fine. 

“Want me to go and call the doctor?” She asked him. 

This is the first time Armie would look anywhere but Timmy ever since they walked into his room. 

“No, please…um…can I have…5 minutes with him? Alone?” Armie asked, voice shaking, he’s on the verge of tears. 

“You can have as much time as you want. I’ll be at the front desk. Take your time. And I’ve told you pretty much everything, the doctor will fill in what I missed. But no word of this, okay?” Lauren said as she was moving away from the bed and already out the door. 

“You have my word.”

Now it was just the two of them. Armie wanted to scream. This boy didn’t deserve this. 

Armie pulled up a chair and sat down, closest to Timmy’s empty hand. He was afraid to touch him, thinking the machine would start beeping and he’d stray bleeding and needles would ruin him…

He shook it off and touched his hand. It was insanely warm. 

Armie wanted to scream and cry, his chest were tightening on the inside. He just needs someone to tell him he's gonna be fine and that it's gonna go away soon. Armie could never stand watching his kids fall ill, nevermind something this serious. Both of his lungs…

He heard humming and with the speed of light, he threw his head to look at Timmy. He was slowly, but surely, waking up, muttering, humming and licking his lips. Armie was patiently waiting to look at him. And when he did, Armie smiled, Timmy smiled back, it looked forced but it wasn't. 

Armie never let go of his hand, not only was he afraid to touch him, but also to apply pressure on his hand. 

"Hi…" Timmy mumbled. 

Armie visibly breathed out a huge sigh of relief. He can't even wrap his head around what happened. Timmy got sick, had to go to a hospital and now he's here with him, because Armie's the only person he cares about enough to trust him in these dangerous times. 

He wanted to kiss him so badly, but he couldn't. He was scared to even hold his hand. 

"You scared me." Armie spoke up, licking his lips. 

Timmy yawned and looked around. The bright light was too strong. 

"Imagine how i feel. I regained consciousness and fell asleep again."

Silence. Timmy's mom doesn't know, Armie thinks. And he wanted to ask anyone, if someone from the set called to check on him. He is the star of this movie after all, he had expected to hear from Steve at least. 

"I didn't know i was your emergency contact." Armie blurted out, touching the most important thing he's heard in a while. 

"Who else would i put? I don't know many people here. And i trust you more than i trust myself."

Armie's heart dropped. He can't even trust himself, let alone let someone as Timmy trust him more than his own sanity. 

"Tim, don't…" 

They now smile at each other. Timmy's eyes are dropping down, he looks exhausted, he should rest. When the boy yawns, he shakes his body, almost as he's running a fever once again. 

"How are you? Are you cold? You have a fever now."

Timmy shakes his head. 

"It's okay, I'm fine. I'm just happy to see you." A smile forms on Timmy's face. 

Where did he find this much energy to smile at him while he's laying now with pneumonia, both of his lungs are infected, and a fever. Guess it all depends on who's in the room with him, and automatically, that person is his priority. 

All Armie can do is let go. Admit it. He is happy he's here, he is happy to see him. Fuck casual! 

"Me too, Tim."

Armie asks him if he wants to sleep some more, he said no. Does he wanna talk about what happened? Some other time. What does he want? He wants for Armie to hold his hand a bit longer. 

And Armie does that, no questions asked. Armie is letting go. Inside of a hospital room, he's letting go. In front of this boy who could be more than just a friend in the near future and forever, he's letting go. 

"The nurse told me i could have all the time i wanted with you, and then call the doctor to hear what she has to say."

Timmy only nodded, squeezing his hand inside Armie's as tightly as possible. His right hand doesn't have any needles sticking out, but it does have a blood pressure measurement. Wonder why they switched arms? Maybe he had better veins in his left arm for the needles and i.v.

"What have you been up to?" Timmy asked him when Armie, once again, let go and put his head on the bed and let Timmy caress his hair. 

"Archie, coffee, breakfast, horrifying news…you know. The usual."

Timmy has to laugh. Armie's glad he's laughing, he truly is. It's like he's not even aware he's sick. He coughs, and the noise that follows is pretty harsh for Armie to take it. 

"When will they release me home?" 

"I don't know. The doctor will say for sure."

"And I'm hungry. I don't know if i should eat at all…"

"I'm gonna go and call the doctor, okay?" 

Armie was slowly lifting his body off the bed and heading for the door. 

"I look like shit." Timmy breathed out, looking up at the ceiling. 

"You don't, Tim. You're beautiful."

Timmy's head twisted towards him. His eyes are widened and the boy looks shocked and happy at the same time. 

"You never said that to me before." He said. 

Armie is letting go. He's letting go. That's why he's talking this way and looking at him this way. He feels no fear when saying Timmy looks beautiful, because he really does, he's been beautiful since the day they met. Armie never expressed that before. 

"Pure crime that i didn't." He said. 

When the doctor showed up, 10 minutes later, she explained them everything there's is to know. She said what happened on the set, how bad is it, she gave a brief lecture in human anatomy and how his lungs got infected, same goes for the antibiotics and his weight. He's gonna be transferred to a department for pulmonology tonight, and he should he fine in 10-12 days, depends on the fever and if another round of x-ray scan is clean, he's good to go. But at home, there's still gonna be some things he will have to avoid. Diet, certain meds, getting up alone, sleeping alone, smoking, walking for a long time etc.

So for the next 9 days, that's how long he's been in the hospital, Armie's been coming every day and staying for full 2 hours, that's how long the visitations were. He would always bring him food and fruit, juices and fun time. Even though Timmy was sick, and in a hospital, somehow, like always, Armie managed to make the best of it. So when time goes on, Timmy will have this to remember Armie by. This is exactly why he put his name as emergency contact. 

His mom flew from New York, Armie called her to inform her what happened. 

In those 9 days, ever since he was brought in, they didn’t kiss once. Not even once. All Armie did was hold his hand throughout this scary process. He was holding it as tightly as possible, realizing that this is the hand he could he holding for the rest of his life. Armie didn’t care about kissing him or sex or anything physical, he just wanted to be there for him until he got back on his feet. And he did. Even years down the road, Timmy said that Armie’s hand is what helped him get cured and not all the massive antibiotics he had to take inside his body. 

After few days and few x-rays, the scans looked clean and Timmy was feeling a lot better. Only a bit tired, he was laying down for over a week now, barely using his muscles, so it’s perfectly normal. Someone from the set, when they finally showed up 6 days later, said how he’s lost even more weight which is perfect for the role of Nick. They wanted to make a joke out of it, but Armie didn’t find it funny at all. Don’t they realize that a sudden drop of weight can cause a severe damage to a person’s immune system, and with that, cause illnesses such as pneumonia and other dangerous infections?

Armie took him back home and helped him with the rest of his recovery. Timmy was sleeping most of the time, but Armie was being very demanding on getting him back on his feet. He helped him with a walk to a bathroom, waited outside until he finished, then walk beside him on his way back. He would always make delicious and yummy breakfasts, a lot of vitamins, juices, fruits, he wanted Timmy to be healthy. To regain some of his power, Armie helped him walk around the house, not too much. They started with short walks up to 15 minutes every 4 hours, and with each passing day, they increased the number. After another 7 days of being under Armie’s eyes, Timmy was doing much better. Five days later, he was his old self. He gained a few pounds back and now loved the new era of them walking around the house in the morning. 

And Timmy had to admit he loved those days when Armie was helping him get back to his normal self. He said they indeed bonded and found out about each other even more. It’s only been almost a year since they met and did the movie together, nothing sexually physical happened between them, and yet, their, so called, friendship was growing stronger each day.

Few days later, they went to a final check-up with a doctor from the set and were waiting for his approval on Timmy getting back to work. He said that his lungs sound perfect, blood is excellent, he was even pleased with his weight gain. He complemented how Timmy looked better, in the face, but Armie never saw his beauty fade away. They sat side by side, opposite this doctor and listening to him talk about everything. That was great news. 

When good news arrived, Timmy put a hand on Armie’s thigh. Armie got the chills right there and then. What is this feeling? It’s so warm and making him tremble.

That night, Armie made dinner just for the two of them, since they were gonna be alone for the next 5 days until the house gets filled up again. After dinner, as they were doing the dishes, Armie leaned over and tried to kiss him, but Timmy pulled back.

“What are you doing?” Timmy frowned, moving away from him, doing other things in the kitchen. He's still very slow on walking. 

“Um…trying to kiss you?” Armie chuckled, he was indeed confused. What happened? 

“Why?”

Armie's frowning, and doing it hard. 

“What do you mean why? Because i want to. You never minded it before.”

“Yeah, I know. But that was before I had fallen ill and thought some things through.”

Armie's worst nightmare. Once Timmy gets inside his own head…

Timmy leaned against the sink, inhaled, exhaled and finally spoke up. 

“Armie, I don’t want casual. I want you. I want you and me, to become…us.” His voice is shivering already. 

Armie's silent. He knows this, he knows everything. This is why they agreed on being casual, to prevent these things. 

Oh, who the fuck does he think they're fooling? 

“Tim…we talked about this before.”

“No, you talked, I listened. I agreed on casual because it was the most logical thing. But then I realized…I don’t want you to be another passer-by in my love life, I want you to stay with me. And I don’t want to be another random hook up in your life as well…”

Armie raised his voice and interrupted him. 

“You’re not! Tim, you’re not. There’s nobody else, I swear.”

He's now walking closer to him, but Timmy crossed his arms on his chest. He's locking himself up. 

“Besides Elizabeth.”

Armie nods. This is a fact. 

“Besides her, yes. But there is nobody else. But I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now. I’m married. I have two small kids and…”

“And you’re not happy in your marriage.” Timmy finished it off for him. 

Armie's head falls down, he doesn't dare look up. Timmy is opening up, he's being honest and truthful, why can't he be more like him? A 21 year old is this bold enough to talk to a married man like this. 

“If you were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation Armie.” Timmy added. 

Armie grunts as he's rubbing the root of his nose. But Timmy doesn't want this to go that way, so he comes closer and gently sets his hands on Armie's hips. 

“You might think I’m dumb or easy just because I’m younger than you, but trust me…I know happiness when I see it. And this right here, this guy right here, he’s no match for a guy I met last year. Even Luca thinks so…” 

Armie looks up. God, he wants to kiss him so badly. Timmy is very intelligent for his own good. Armie's suffocating, this is too much. He never asked for this. They agreed on casual for a reason. 

“When are you gonna stop hiding?”

Armie scoffs at the last question and moves away from him. He's gonna choke. 

“Okay, we’re done here. This is my personal problem that I will deal with myself.” He takes a step back and fiddles with the dishes. 

“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to sit by my bed side for weeks and say that what you are feeling is none of my business, because, as I recall correctly, it started being my business last year when we-…”

Armie slamming his fist on the counter was the last drop. His breaking point. He doesn't wanna do this now. Why is Timmy pressuring him? 

And why is Armie fighting this? 

Why is Armie so destructive of his own happiness? Why won't he just let himself live and be happy? Is it because he made ton of mistakes as he was growing up? Is it because of his past? Is it because of his marriage and everything that goes in it? 

Why doesn't he accept the fact that there's a possibility he could be happy one day. And with the person behind him. 

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry I brought it up. I’ll move out first thing tomorrow and we’ll end it here. Thank you for letting me stay here, and for nurturing me.” Timmy quickly blurted out and left the kitchen. Armie could tell he was already in tears. 

That night, Timmy couldn’t sleep up until 2 or 3 in the morning. The rain was pounding next to his head. Some other time, he would’ve slept like a baby next to it. Now he feels bad after their little fight. But soon, the door opens and closes. Armie made two huge steps and slid underneath the same cover as Timmy. He embraced him from behind, pushing his hand underneath Timmy’s baggy shirt. Timmy intertwined their fingers. They haven’t been like this in a while. It was a long journey, and Timmy knew there was a lot more to come. Armie breathed out against his neck. They both knew this is what they need.

“It’s raining Tim.” Armie whispered softly, stating the obvious.

“Yeah…”

“You like the rain.”

“Love it.”

Silence. The one thing that was filing up the dark room they were sleeping in, was their heavy breathing and rain raging outside. 

Of course, the first thing Timmy thought of was how he could easily fall asleep like this, not just that night, but for a lot of other nights that are yet to come. He won't move out, they won't end it here. They're just being dramatic. Armie's laying behind him, that doesn't seem like an end. 

“I don’t want you to move out. Please stay. I’m just…” Armie breathed out against the back of his neck. He's exhausted from all of this. Can they just sleep and move on? 

“I know, Armie, I know. And this is exactly the reason why I have been chasing you for all this time.” Timmy whispered, embracing his arm on his tummy even tightly. 

Armie wants to scream that he doesn't need to chase him anymore, he's got him, Armie's just way too fucked up at the moment to make anything work in his life. 

“When the time comes, you will crack and you’ll be mine. This is a promise.” Timmy said.

Armie is flattered, but aslo doesn't want him to think like that. He doesn't want this boy to wait for him. That might never even come to life. 

“Crack how?”

“You will get sick and tired of this life. And you will be grasping for air and a way to escape. You will see that it’s better when you’re not hiding who you really are and who you love.”

Armie silent, grinding his teeth. 

“Don’t force me into this, it’s none of your business.” He calmly spoke, even after feeling the rage firing up on the inside. 

“I’m not forcing anything. I’m just saying, you’ll get tired.”

Timmy yawned. 

“Wouldn’t you get tired too…of chasing me?”

Timmy chuckles, but he's pretty confident in what he's saying.

“If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. And right now, I feel like it’s meant to be.”

Now Armie chuckles softly. 

Why is he being like this? He could have him like this forever. He loves when he's with Timmy, he likes the guy…maybe even loves him, but doesn't dare admit it. Because, well, wife, two very small kids, his family, a certain image he's gotten used to live up to his entire life…

“You can’t know this for sure, you’re so young.”

“Maybe.”

Armie pushes closer to him from behind. He's very warm, he could spend every night with him like this and his warm body would be making him feel this way every single night. If only he'd let go, like he did weeks ago, when he was in a hospital with him. What happened to that guy? 

“I won’t force you into anything, that’s your choice. Just…I think you already made your choice. Last year. And you’re trying to fight it. Aren’t you tired of fighting?”

He is, he really fucking is tired. His stomach is twisting and chest is tightening. He wants to scream but he can't. 

“Let’s just sleep. We’ll talk about this some other time.” Is the only thing Armie managed to mutter out with a broken voice. 

“Just want you to know that I trust you’ll make a wise decision. Not for me, but for yourself first."

Everything is closing in on him, head is spinning, gut is twisting, it feels as though he's unable to inhale. 

But then Timmy turns around, on his other side, and they're facing each other now. Armie smiles at him, and the boy smiles back. That smile is definitely sending off some energy into Armie's body because, soon enough, he feels butterflies in his stomach and warmth in his chest. Timmy just caused suffocation and cure, at the same time. 

“Armie?” The warm breath hits Armie's chin. 

“Mm?”

“Answer me this now.”

Armie closed his eyes and hums silently. 

“Do you see us like this in the future? Laying like this, sleeping together, being together?”

“I do, Tim.”

He doesn't even hesitate. This is the only thing he's been able to think all night about. 

“I do. That’s why we’re here.” He adds and makes a crucial move as to leaning forwards and kissing Timmy's little nose. 

He opened his eyes and saw Timmy's smile never fading away. 

“I’ll get there some day, I promise.” Armie breathed out, this is a promise, a promise he's gonna fulfill one day. 

“Am I out of any help? Help in a way…that I can get you to that point you’re wishing to be?”

“Absolutely you are, yes. That's why i can't just let go of you."

Another answer without any hesitant moments. 

"But why would you wait for me? You're so young, Tim. There are other people, great people who would kill to be with you. Why would you wait for a married man in his 30s."

Timmy scoffs and pushes closer to Armie, letting one leg slip between his thighs. If he gets hard now…

"First of all, you're not even 31, so chill, you look amazing for your age. Second, i don't want other people. I tried picturing myself with them and being with them, and i just…couldn't. I see you following me every step of the way. Not even kidding now. People come and go, but i still want you."

What a fucking roller-coaster of emotions for Armie that night. This breaks his heart, this melts him, this makes him wanna scream, this, eventually, just makes him hold Timmy even tighter. 

"Don't you want me to?" Timmy's broken voice against his warm neck is sending shivering down his spine. 

Now he's hesitating. 

"I do."

Timmy chuckles. 

"Some day, when I ask you this question again, you're gonna have a clear answer without hesitation."

They end the night with making out, touching each other's skin, pushing hands underneath the shirts they had on, and all that in total silence. 

Timmy stayed in LA for the next 3 weeks, then went to San Francisco to continue filming until ending of May. Armie went on a vacation with his family, Timmy was heartbroken but he knew what Armie was doing, he knew it oh too well. In July, they had a secret photoshoot for the British GQ, then they went to Timmy’s place where they tried having sex for the first time, but couldn’t, Timmy physically couldn’t, so they did other things instead. Then promo started, and in Toronto is where Armie was finally opening up. Not only to Timmy, but to himself as well. Until the end of the year, they were still pushing it strong. Timmy wasn’t dating anyone, nor did he want to, work kicked in and he was happy with that. Armie on the other hand was battling himself, once again. During the entire promo, they'd get together and explore even more. Armie said he wanted to be good this time, taking each step with caution and care. They had a path they both set together, and with each passing day, they were getting closer and closer to their goal. Then Rome happened, and with Rome, their first time. Armie openly let everything fall out of him as he was revealing his true colors to Timmy, and Timmy was happy. He knew Armie would reach this point, he just knew it. Story will say that Timmy waited for Armie, but Timmy will say that Armie made up his mind a long time ago, and he was just using the time to figure other stuff out. And yes, Timmy was there for him. If someone were to ask, Armie was the first one to fall for Timmy, not the other way around, but Timmy was the first one to admit it all. Months had passed and the last time they saw each other, before getting separated for months, was in May. Timmy had a meeting with Denis Villaneuve and they were going to discuss about future projects, one of the biggest remakes of the decade, Dune. And Armie was preparing for his Broadway play. Before they separated, they made a pack; The next time they see each other, Armie will have a clear decision, no going back, he’s done hiding. He gave Timmy the sweater before they went their ways, as a support for his big meeting in Cannes. Since Armie couldn't be there in person, his sweater was there to guard Timmy for him. After few months of working, they finally met up in New York, Timmy went to his play, then they met up again in Toronto and…the rest is history. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is wehadthe-stars.


End file.
